Sick of Running on a Treadmill

I mean this figuratively of course since I haven't worked out much over the last few months. I just want to take a moment to vent... which is a horrible thing to do on the first real post in over a month, but I feel like these emotions need to be expelled in order for me to be rid of them, like a bad virus! Lately I have had this virtual depression come over me (almost like I'm completely overwhelmed) for about a month. At first I thought it was just the extra hours at worked combined with my desire to really be involved with holiday festivities... combined with preparing for our ward Christmas party. However, the word "overwhelmed" didn't ... it wasn't right. I'm not overwhelmed. Disorganized yes, but not overwhelmed.



However, something happened today that turned on that figurative lightbulb. I won't go into details what the last straw was, but I will say this: I am sick of running on a treadmill. I hate the feeling that I am working and not going anywhere. For instance, I am literally working but not making any more money... in fact, in the long run, I'm losing money by working. Also, I am given the opportunities to make decisions and then the very person who gave me those responsibilities re-makes the decision how he/she would prefer. And the worst one of all, that we have been praying for a full year for Ammon to get a good, stable job... and he still doesn't have one. I know the economy is what it is and we are definitely not the only ones suffering, if we are suffering at all! I know we are not doing everything perfectly to be able to even call up to the heavens and demand that we 'deserve blessings', but I feel like we are trying. Again, I reiterate, this is just a vent, something to let you know perhaps why I have not blogged in over a month.



That being said, I know that we are blessed. I feel it every time the heater comes on and see it whenever Kaleb smiles and my hubby hugs me. We are so lucky to have the support we have and still have our own house. So please don't reprimand a frustrated old woman for needing to blow off steam. I've just been thinking of that story of the man whom God asked to push a boulder, so this man pushes for months and months, but it never budges. Finally, the man asks God why the rock never moves. God tells him, "I didn't ask you to move the rock, just to push it. See how much stronger you are from all that you have been through." Hopefully, this means we are getting stronger... though most of the time I feel like I'm getting weaker. Go figure!