Lightbulb

2010 was not a proud one for me spiritually. I went through some real moments of questioning my faith. I didn't ever wonder if there was a God or anything so basic. It was more a matter of self. Did I really believe that our Father in Heaven cared for us? If he did, and we're doing what we're supposed to, he would bless us, right? Am I worthy of blessings? There were some dark months I went through a bit of a depression cause I hated my life and I hated myself for hating my life. Thankfully things have gotten slowly better (not my life, just my outlook.) Now I find myself seeking the light I have missed so much. Yesterday Ammon and I got to attend the temple, and even though it was a bit of a runaround at first, we really enjoyed it. I can't wait to go back, and we have plans to within the next week or so.

Well, today in Relief Society we were discussing Sacrifice... having a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I thought about how horrible I've been, and how little I've appreciated. I realized that we have EVERYTHING except a steady income. We are so blessed, and I have been SO SELFISH!! I couldn't believe what a jerk I've been, and I found myself in tears. Then a scripture was brought up. Luke 18:18-23. A young ruler asked Christ what he could do to be worthy of eternal life. Jesus listed off the commandments, and the man said he had done all those things. Then Christ asked him, "sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." The teacher asked if we would be able to give up our material things to be with Him. When I thought about it, I realized that Heavenly Father had already gotten us halfway there by forcing us to live without a lot of the luxuries we are so used to. Now all we need to do is follow Him. He gave me this wonderful gift to give me a chance to be closer to Him, and all I've done is whine and complain. My very ugly true colors have come out and I've been wearing a Laman and Lemuel badge for way too long!! No more! I'm so grateful for that lesson, that lightbulb that I was granted today in class. I just pray that I can continue on this better path.